I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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