Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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