I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
