Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
