I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
