Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
one two three fourrrrnication!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
