and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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