I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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