The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
