Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
