So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
