at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
