just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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