Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
