You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Too much gin, very little bucket
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
