I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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