dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
