I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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