Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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