I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
