his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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