Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
