yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
