I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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