so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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