addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
