I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
