it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
