party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
