good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
