Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
