I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Reggie can tackle my bush.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
