At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He passed out mid-signature
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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