last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
