8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
