Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
