There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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