he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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