so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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