if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
