when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
