My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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