Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
