it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
