Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have demons in me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
