I can tuck mytits in my pants
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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