I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
