You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
