i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
