toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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