Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
