I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
