I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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