When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
