so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
