Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
