If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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