Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
