They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
