it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
