Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
