ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
