Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
