i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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