The beer is more important than you right now.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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