why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
