I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
